Today is my baby sister’s 40th birthday. She died on the 3rd of February 1973 of a cot death.
We only have four photographs of her. Most people didn’t have cameras then, and colour photographs were still very new.
I had written a long post about 10 days ago for Gwen for her 40th birthday, and I went to read it again tonight in bed on my iPad. For some reason I couldn’t find the post tonight even though it had been scheduled to go live at 7am later today. Then I saw that there was a post in my trash. I checked & there it was, and as I went to click restore, my iPad thought I had clicked ‘Delete Permanently’ and it did.
I am gutted to have lost that post, but I can’t reproduce it, and I’m not sure that I should.
In the post I had written a lot of things. Gwen’s death affected all of our family, she still does.
My final thoughts were to thank Gwen for my belief in angels. Because of Gwen I always believed I had my own personal Guardian Angel looking after me. There are many times in my life that things have happened that I didn’t want to happen, or times I have been saved from a situation that was dangerous. In hindsight I have felt that my very own Guardian Angel must have been guiding my path.
Tonight I wanted to check my post one last time before it went live. A significant majority of my family don’t like social networking and might not have liked that I had written a post on a blog about my baby sister. When I read it and re-read it again 10 days ago it seemed to be suitable, my version of a notice in The Irish Times.
I wanted it to be a post that anyone in my family would be ok about reading. Maybe Gwen thought it was not suitable?
Instead, I’ll just wish you a Happy 40th Birthday my little Guardian Angel. Keep looking out for me, I am far from clear of all those pitfalls that come along my path.
I miss you
Lots of love, your big sister
Barbara, you brought tears to my eyes. My abiding memory of Gwen was babysitting for both of you the evening before she died.
I’m upset I lost the other post I had written, it would have been nice to keep just for me. Its a long time since I have written anything about Gwen. At least she got to read it! xxx
How beautiful! She was an angel then, and she’s an angel now.
Oh, I like that!
That is so sad…i hope writing both posts helped you with this day.
Yes, you are right, the first post was very cathartic… A good process for me to go through, to get in touch with my feelings about Gwen, and how much I miss her at times, and how losing her affected all of our lives so massively.
Her death saved my life. At a very dark time in my life I considered taking my own life, but because of Gwen I knew how awful that would be for my own children, so I am still here.
I needed to thank her for that, and to let her know how much I would have loved to have known her
And this post is a gentler version of what I wrote then, and also more how I felt on the day. Thanks for your post, I might post a photo of my Gollywog here. I have always loved him but am conflicted as he is not a politically correct toy 😦
This is a sweet tribute, Barbara. And I think you’re right, that first post was meant to be between you and Gwen. It’s nice that you could share this bittersweet memory with us.