I am collecting some jokes for my friends sister Daloni. The reason why is on my post for September the 1st Here’s some I found for today….I thought I might be able to generate a few more on here? Please add jokes or funnies to the comments 🙂
So for today’s contribution from me, another one from my Dad:
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
‘How old was your husband?’ ’98,’ she replied…
‘Two years older than me’
‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented..
She responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
‘And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?’ the reporter asked..
She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’
The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs and have fun finding them.
I’ve sure gotten old!
I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I’m half blind,
can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, praise the Lord,
I can still drive.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotard on,
the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Westfield London Shopping Centre.
Westfield?’ the preacher exclaimed.
‘Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week’
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It’s scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
‘For fast relief..’
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the
I’m going to be raiding all my friends and families ‘funnies’ over the next few weeks to collect 25 days worth of “cheerful, inspiring, funny or apposite poems, stories, reminiscences, photos, cartoons, drawings, short videos” for Daloni
Please add anything that you think might be good for me to use in future posts in the comments below, Thank you 🙂